Why I got heavy, besides the eating too much part of it that is 99% of the reason

At this point, I could walk into any community theater group's auditions for a production of The Addams Family musical and have everyone in the room immediately shout out in unison: "We found our Uncle Fester!" But I wasn't always so - I was skinny, until I became muscular, until I became heavy. This is the 1 percent of the reason it happened.

So there were the surgeries - the big one on the left knee and bunion on the left foot that slowed me down. Before that, I was about 180 lbs. As part of the recuperation, I threw myself into yoga and squash, and went up to 194 lbs. - all muscle. My waist stayed at 34 inches. Then came the next knee injury, which slowed me down. Then the right foot bunion surgery. Then the tendonitis in the wrists, elbows, and shoulders from carrying the baby after all the typing. Then the constant discomfort. Then the end of sex as I knew it.

Of my great sensual pleasures, yoga was gone, sex was unreliable, the wandering and exploration of the city was replaced by homebodiness, and what do you know, all was left was the food and drink. I always had an appetite, but the consumption was counterbalanced by the exercise and the impulse to sit around and gorge myself nightly was thwarted by place to go and people to see. As for constructive outlets for my energies and appetites, sorry, that's not how I roll.

The last physical thing I do that doesn't hurt (and yes, it hurts sitting and watching television) is eating and drinking. The thinking of what to cook is the fantasy and anticipation. The shopping for ingredients is the buying flowers and planning the date. The chopping and cooking is the foreplay, the cocktail or first glasses of wine starts the sloughing off of ordinary consciousness that will culminate in surrender to sensual pleasure. Then the meal, the controlled meting out of the deliciousness, tucking in and being immersed in the flavors and filling up, sipping wine and feeling the warm intoxication. Then the satisfaction of being spent, light-headed, and knowing I did good.

So I got heavy. Hey, I used to be really good at yoga and quite the cosmopolite and fun in the sack. Now I'm good at the food, which basically should keep me until I die of the effects of the overeating, a recurrence of the cancer, or not noticing the cab speeding toward me as I check out a woman's bum.